Hello Chioma,
I am a fan of your write ups, my name. is Irene. I am 32 years old.
I have been living with these pain for the past five years.
Everyday I see reasons to pack out of my matriominal home, to leave my husband of over five years with our 2 kids and walk away.
Somehow I find comfort in the soothing words I hear from my pastor and your articles I read.
Okay let me not bore you with my long story, but my marriage is a living hell of a place for me.
Firstly on the night after my wedding ,I woke up in the middle of the night to use the restroom and found out my husband wasn't lying beside me,getting closer to the restroom I could hear noises from one of the bathroom,it was a studio flat design at the pent house with double toilet and bathroom , so it was just two of us in there, I guessed it was him, I got closer to the bathroom and peeped through the narrow opening, I saw my husband standing on his feet ,with his head bent backwards, he had his two hands on the sink,a lady I didn't recognise knelt down in front of him sucking his penis ,they were so engrossed in their act that not any one of them noticed my presence,.
I opened my mouth to shout but no sound came out, my legs wobbled under me, my body felt so light, I still can't recollect how I managed to get back to the bedroom, remember it was the morning before that I said "I do" to him and him to me.
My husband denied being the one, he came in from the front door and claimed he was at his family private meeting, I had refused dressing up to meet his family and the guests coming in to greet us(the newly married) I told him to invite my mother to hear what I wanted to say but he refused, "We just got married and it's embarrassing to start inviting our parents to settle issues for us" he'd insisted.
Everything I told him I saw I was sure of but he denied all, he insinuated I might have "slept walked ' because he informed me of the meeting even before he left the bedroom and his family members all agreed they had a meeting.
The second thing I had to endure was the calls at odd times, these were private calls, and it's always deep into the early morning hours, few times I closed my eyes and pretend to be deep asleep, when ever he was done with the calls which always ends with "see you soon" he'd blow kisses before walking back into the room, I have checked the number severally,it was a particular number I later found out belonged to a particular woman.
After the first months of our wedding, it was practically impossible for my husband to have full erection, at first I thought it was stress from work, so I suggested he reduce his schedules and for sex to be for weekends so he can rest well.
It continued even after, we tried home remedies, even got dirtier and saw pornography together but it changed nothing, I had to hold his soft penis with my hand after applying lubricant and massaging it deeply, I will push his penis inside me with the hand, it won't get to one minute before he'd climax
It was frustrating to say the least, but I loved my husband and wanted for us work ,
I couldn't help but masturbate each time I felt the urge for sex, my husband has everything in his favour, good looks, agility and the muse, what ever the problem was seemed unfounded.
I knew he lied everytime he tried to make me feel I was the centre of his life, I knew there's some things he was into but I could not say exactly what it was.
Our first baby came then the second, at least he can produce fertile sperm, just seemed impossible for him to make me feel like a woman.
It was during my visit to our doctor that I opened up and shared my greatest pain to him, he promised to see my husband who was his school mate and day one buddy.
He told me to promise to never let it out that he was the one who told me, I promised him, that fateful afternoon, our family doctor told me that nothing is wrong with my husband medically, he said my husband told him that he was never attracted to me sexually, that my naked body doesn't move him, he only married me because I was hardworking and dedicated, he wanted a good woman for his kids, our family doctor told me my husband had a woman he loved and he shared fantastic sex life with her, he goes placid only for me, he told me my husband confided in him.
For me I had nothing holding me to him, I have been pretending to have him as my man even though I know better, I know I will leave him soon, I will either go with my two kids or leave them with his mother, I know he can kill me for them, I have started packing my stuff gradually, I have written a note I will drop for him on my departure "My bone ache carrying the weight of everything you promised, your empty words were heavy "
