"I understand when you don't remember to return my call or reply to my messages. I truly understand"...tears brimmed down my face, I had my phone in my hand, I watched the message delivered to Steve's whatsapp inbox, I waited eagerly to get his reply, it all seemed strange to me, just few months ago Steve was the person waiting to see me reply to his messages or return his calls.
I wasn't heartless nor insensitive I was only being careful, it seemed odd to me hooking up with a guy I've had some closeness with his friend, Ray my former date was Steve's school mate and close friend,I met Ray during my 6 months industrial attachment at a food manufacturing company .
Ray was transferred to another branch a month after my arrival at the company before then we had this spark of attraction between us, Ray had this charisma that made it so easy to notice him and get attached to him, he was friendly and free, we already picked up constant private chats so when he left to his new office we continued, the build up was interesting, it looked real and fulfilling, it made me anticipate my next conversation with him.
Deep down inside of me I craved for something stable, I was 22 and single, I've not been in any serious relationship in recent time ,almost done with studies I looked forward to creating a whole new steady relationship that could make out something tangible in the end.
Ray was everything I dreamt of having my man look like, handsome, charismatic with a good job, he was caring if I'd judge from the little time I've spent with him.
So a little far away from me, i related with Ray through the internet, chats, calls etc,
We became so close, it felt good, I was already painting a picture of how our relationship will look like.
Ray told me he was pursuing a course on management that if it works out he'd have to leave the food company and focus on the course. In the time I was with Ray it was difficult for me to say exactly what I meant to him, he was here and there, he didn't make it obvious but I knew he was seeing other girls, every now and then he used different girls pictures on his profile, when I ask he'd tell him they were his cousins or childhood friends celebrating their birthdays or that he just saw a cute pics of theirs and decided to make them feel good,
I took his explanations bitterly, I noticed Ray likes sex a lot,he wants me to visit him every time and these visits were all about sex, Ray can go on having sex with me for a whole day, when I try to make him understand how improper it was, he'd always get angry and he'd become moody and would end up not talking to me for days.
It made me sad and lonely spending days without him, I would always go back to him and apologise, we would make up and he'd start all over again. I was a slave to his passion.
I had two months more to stay in the company when Ray resigned, he got his admission to study further, the university was in another city so he moved away, this time it means we can only see sparingly. I was broken, I missed Ray a lot and feared for our fragile relationship. Because I couldn't trust Ray to be careful not to harm what we were building I had to resign to fate.
It came too soon,Before Ray left yo his new school he told me that his phone was bad ,he said he would work on it or get a new one.two weeks after Ray packed out it became almost impossible for me to get through to him ,it's either his phone was switched off or he's not picking,it was hard for me to cope,I was used to talking to him almost on daily basis. the times he'd pick he'd tell me that he's busy with one thing or the other and he'd promise to call me. I'd wait for days on end.
I became miserable, there's nobody to talk yo because we kept our relationship private. It was terrible time for me.Ray was busy posting photos of him and other girls and sometimes guys but he'd tell me that his phone was bad.
Before I could realize it one harrowing month has gone and my relationship with Ray was blank with no direction, I spent most nights crying on my phone, I'd hold my phone after calling and texting Ray and cry,I pleaded with him to please remember how we started and the times we shared, I waited endlessly to see a change but the more I tried the more Ray drift away.
One evening I was sick and I feit empty. I needed to talk to a loved one. I called Ray to tell him how I was feeling, he picked up and started screaming at me, he said a lot of things but the only thing I wanted to remember was him telling me that "I was a pin,that I don't let him rest",he said it's not everyday we would talk"
I dropped my phone beside me and cried ,I didn't know where I wronged Ray,it was frightening realizing how deep I allowed myself sink into his emotions, I became a wreck.
For weeks I cried ,I couldn't do anything my thoughts and acts were scattered, I hurt knowing Ray deliberated shut me out, I wondered endlessly if at all he truly loved me? It was difficult to get him out of my mind
I was out to pick up stuff that evening when I ran into Steve, I've seen him twice after Ray's departure, he's Ray's school mate and both of them had a decent relationship. Steve pulled over and offered me a ride to wherever, I accepted majorly because I wanted to talk to him about Ray,expectedly he asked about us and I opened up to him,I told him everything that my relationship with Ray had become. Steve told me he wasn't surprised, he knew Ray so well,he told me he knew he's merely wasting time with me but he felt I'd find out myself ,he said it was not his duty to tell me as that would portray him as a spoiler,I was shocked hearing Steve's thought but it wasn't his fault, he was been his friend's keeper .
Steve became a regular in my house, his visits were soul-lifting,he talked to me on the telephone whenever he couldn't come over, gradually I started feeling better, I found myself smiling and looking forward to going out with Steve to shop or just people watch.
One evening after we'd gone out to the park ,Steve pulled me back to himself and kissed me passionately ,he'd opened the door of the car for me, I'd stepped out and already started to walk into the verandah when he walked up to me, I closed my eyes in mixed feelings, the kisd was warming and I liked it but it was odd coming from Steve.
I wouldn't say that I wasn't expecting that to happen anytime soon but I didn't want it, I was afraid it may cause strains in our cordial relationship because I have Ray somewhere at the corner of my heart and Steve was his friend!!
Recently our hanging out took a new dimension with Steve always going privately in our discussions, often when I was alone my mind drifted to him, waves of emotions ran through my nerves and veins but I shut it down as quickly as I could, I can't date Steve no it was too close for comfort.
But Steve disagreed "I'm not Ray's relative ,we weren't great friends back in school, we just clicked because we found ourselves in a strange land "Steve explained but I wouldn't have any of it.
Steve pleaded and did everything to make me understand his feeling was genuine but I remained adamant
It's almost one year ago ,I didn't know where Steve is nor know anything about him, I see him online on social media platforms ,he'd not message me nor like any of my posts, I don't message him either, Something started happening to me, I started missing Steve and longing to be with him, I felt bad for rejecting him previously, now that I want him I'm confused about how to go about getting him to look my way.
I messaged him 'hello'he replied within seconds and I was happy.,we had a light chat ,the next day I chatted him up again he'd always reply then I called him, he picked up ,we talked a little and he told me he wanted to go back to work and promised to call again .
I am still waiting for his call, all of a sudden I'm feeling emotional and acting like Steve is being wicked but I had my chance!! Steve may be trying to be polite but it's obvious he's gone from me ,what he'd felt for me has obviously wilt ,he is definitely with another girl, I felt tears run down my cheeks, I want to have Steve back ,if only he would I promise to love him to the moon and back
