Why Do We Say Life Begins At 40?(The adolescent/teenage personality and conflict)

The transitional period between puberty and adulthood in human development, extending mainly over the teen years and terminating legally when the age of majority is reached i.e. youth.

 Adolescence can be defined biologically as the physical transition marked by the onset of puberty and the termination of the physical growth; cognitively it is viewed as changes in the ability to think abstractly and multi-dimensionally; and socially as a period of preparation for adult roles. It begins around 10, 11 or 12 years with variations existing among cultures and societies. However it concludes between 18-21 years of age. This is the stage we call the secondary school stage (11-18years).

According to Sigmund and Anna Freud, the adolescence stage is a turbulent stage of development because of the dramatic physiological and biological changes that takes place at this stage. It activates in the individual so many drives including the aggressive and sexual drives which were dormant during the latency stage. One of the difficulties the teenage experiences at this stage is the inability to be with the parents. Another great challenge for the adolescent as pointed out by Erikson is the increase in drive energy which may be disruptive, confusion also set in especially those poised by social conflicts and demands. The crisis is that of identity versus role confusion.

Conflicts arise between parents and children due to detachment during middle adolescence (age 14-15 years). But these conflicts eventually help in establishment of an independent identity. They develop their individual set of beliefs and values. By late adolescence (ages 16 onwards) the adolescents who are able to cope with conflicts with parents develop a ‘new sense of self’. Self dependence and a sense of responsibility become apparent. They develop a stable sense of identity and place in the society. They develop an identity distinct from their parents. However, those who are not able to cope with identity crisis end up in ‘identity confusion’. The Identity formation during adolescence is influenced by many factors like family and societal values, cultural & ethnic background and the socioeconomic status. Family dependence and relationships diminish and they develop a strong need for peer support and acceptance. With greater interactions with peers their social skills are enhanced & social and sexual behaviors refined. They are able to establish relationship with the opposite sex. Greater the adolescents’ conflict with their parents, greater the identification with their peers. By the time they are in late adolescence the adolescents are psychologically integrated, have developed a fairly consistent view of the outside world, they have set realistic goal in life and by now have discovered their role in the society.

If these remarkable events take place in the life of every teenager, a period of secondary foundation that leads to adulthood, a period where life goals are set…

My question is: why do we say life begins at 40 ?(imagine a 40years in primary school or even in secondary school)


Guest Post
Abalike Agbo is a priest of the Catholic Diocese of Otukpo, presently studying psychology at the Institute of Psychology of Pontifical Gregorian University Rome-Italy

Read More »

Amanda Modise Told The Story Of Her Struggles With Depression

What I am about to say will either help you or someone next  you, please do take your time to read this, I am about to unpack a bit of my university journey.

My name is Palesa Amanda Modise, I matriculated in 2014 at waterberg high school and yes I was one of the learners who couldnt wait to go to university, little did I know that there was so much to prepare for.

2015 January ,I got accepted at wits and I was excited because well it was one of   the well known universities in our country and world wide. The first mistake I made because of not knowing what to expect , was not applying for a bursary, I focused more on studying and passing than preparing for university Academic requirements, tuition and all,. Well  I got to university and the first thing they wanted was the registration fee which was a bit  task for my parents but they made things happen,

I'm grateful for that.  When I got to class language barrier played a huge role in getting to understand anything in class. Well I managed to get residence, but now they needed 20% before I could have a room, trust me it was one of the most heart breaking time of my life because i couldnt pay it immediately, I had to sleep at one of the tv rooms right at the residence, luckily it was during orientation week and meals were given to first year students. So now I couldnt attend well because I was busy fixing my residence issues " missing out on class"
Believe when I say I was applying for bursaries and nsfas included, nsfas did accept only in june and it paid about 40% of my fees.

I failed my 1st year, I remember telling my roommate who later on became one of my best friend that I dont mind failing as long as I'm not excluded because I tried my best and unfortunately my best was not good enough.

2016 I went back, and well I couldnt go back to residence because now my parents couldnt pay and i had to go look for accomodation, I remember I had to miss a whole month of school because I couldnt make it to school. But because I was repeating I was studying on my own with my previous material. I managed to pass that year. Still applying for bursaries yet no response.

2017 I went back to do my 2nd year and all I can say is it really went from good to the worst. Nothing was making sense, financially emotionally, some of the people know me as the girl who does braids yes I did that only because I need to patch up where my parents couldnt pay eg my rent, food and other basics.

I failed my 2nd year and I decided that I needed to come back home in limpopo because now, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety in september. That was  when I knew that its either I am killing myself or I go back home,

I got back to the drawing board. I told my dad and luckily he agreed. I thank the lord for that, I thank him for giving me an understanding father, a father that knows how to comfort his children. I have been home for a year and I  have been accepted back  to the unviersity to study again.

 So I would like to encourage anyone out there who is struggling to take a time out when necessary. Mental health is important.

Read More »

University Undergraduate Died From Sexual Ecstasy

If Lydia  had the  power of seeing the  future  or even had the  opportunity of   meeting a soothsayer  she might  have seen or might  have  been lucky  to  receive a  warning message about the  tragic end  to what she may have  tagged a harmless  hangout ..

She left  her parents  house  that  fateful  Saturday  evening to meet up with  her man friend   whom she dated secretly  , Lydia  was a   21 years  old  300 levels sociology  student  in a Nigerian  university.
Her affairs with  the  53years old  man who was a  member of the  national  Assembly  went on  without  her parents  knowledge


It was a fun party  organised by a close friend of  the  honourable  and  every one  attended with  their  girlfriends  who were  mostly  undergraduates  from  different  universities  In Nigeria. Lydia  sneaked out of her house  but later  called  her mum to tell  her she  was spending the night at her best friend's  house

Party  went on into the  deep night, guests  started  withdrawing into their  different  suites  to rest and  catch  some  feelings with  their  partner's.

It wasn't the  first time the  honourable  will  get  intimate with  Lydia.as their relationship  had been on for some time,

They  went on the  first round, everything went well and the  second, it was in the  middle of the 2nd round that the  honourable  noticed  Lydia  was  slipping away, instead of  her arousal response to  his jerks,she  slipped and  woobled stretching  her  body and  trying to  get a hold on the  bedspread  maybe to support  herself, the  honourable  immediately  removed  his manhood which at that   time had become  placid, he reached out and  held her, it was then he noticed  her eyes were  closing and saliva  was dripping from the sides of  her mouth,

He quickly  called the  hotel's  clinic  for help, the  clinic  attendants responded  quickly and  rushed  Lydia to the  clinic. A doctor  checked her pulse and  it  has gone  weak and her heartbeat   was faint, treatment  was administered ,the  doctor  confirmed she slipped into  unconsciousness

She didn't  recover,about 10 am the  next day  Lydia  gave up the  ghost to the  shock of every one who was present at the  clinic with them and  those who partied with them the other  night

the  doctor said she  suffered  intense  shock and  still recommended an autopsy .
It was tragic for the honourable  ,he cried like a  baby, filled with confusion about how  best to go about the  tragic incident, his friends and  few family members who  he confided in advised  him to reach out to the  mother of the girl firstly,

The  honourable  found a way and connected to tm Lydia's  maternal uncle. and told  him what  happened, it was miserable time for Lydia's  family, her uncle  invited  his sister (Lydia's  mum)  over to spend few days with  him with the  pretence that  he's not feeling well and  needed  her to  help him out  with  cooking and other  chores.

Two  days into  Lydia's  mom stay in  her brother's house, the  news about  Lydia's  death was  broken to her.

To say she was shattered was  an understatement, Lydia's  mom almost  passed away with  her daughter, she  collapsed on  hearing the  news.

After  Lydia's  mom recovered  ,she  and  her ramily  members went back to  her husband's  house and  broke the news to Lydia's  father.

The  autopsy report stated Lydia  died from excessive  ecstatic  feeling, the  ecstasy  came in loads and rushed too much  blood  to her heart  at once, because she was  in  motion, her veins and arteries  tightened up, these  didn't  allow  air to flow  freely  and Lydia  got shocked.

Her body was  taken home for burial while  her father  arrested the  honourable, he was  bailed after few days and the  case has been taken to court.

Read More »